The Balloon Trial

Everyone's heard that politicians repeatadly send up "trial balloons" to test public policy or public opinion. But here in Liberalville its the balloons that are on trial. Literally. Our lack-luster planning commission has cited a local businessman with a violation of our city zoning ordinance related to his use of common, plain, everyday balloons to draw attention to the signs for his rental property. Not a single word was printed on said balloons. No daunting message beckoning visitors or promoting the rental of his property. The balloons said NOTHING! Even more outragious the said fine for said wordless balloons was an outragious, whopping $95,000.

I guess the Liberalville signage gestapo thought that nailing the balloon perp was an ideal way to finance some of their other more important endeavors. Not sure what those might be, but I'm sure they'd come up with something. Maybe they were thinking the extra revenue would support their flock of investigators that travel the courthouse square measuring unsuspecting retailers' sidewalk sign boards.

Or maybe they're wanting to recruit extra investigators to measure the homemade bed sheet signage hanging from fraternity and sorority house windows throughout the college school year. I'm pretty sure those signs violate some kind of city signage ordinance. Or why don't they consider hiding behind bushes ready to trounce on graffiti artists and hall them into court. I have an even better idea. How about slapping the IU Alumni Association Homecoming Committee with the same fine. Look at those balloons=>.